Life and Love

Isn't life amazing. One minute you're just starting out and the next you're in the twilight of life. When I look back over my life I remember a lot of things. Amazing triumphs and devastating failures. All encompassing joy and overwhelming pain. Its a roller coaster complete with alternating rises, falls, and circus loops. And yet there has always been constant, one enduring emotion. I call it hope. It feels like I'm always hoping - hoping for a better tomorrow, hoping that all of this effort and struggle has been something. I am a pretty big believer in fate, karma, and the connection of all life's events. If I hop out the bed on the left side instead of the right then it's going to make a difference. The significance of that difference could run the gamut but it definitely matters.

Everything I have ever done or not done has lead me to this point. I have reached the point in my life where I can no longer waste energy on lamenting what I missed out on in the past. I have to look forward. Actually I really need to move forward. Looking won't get me anywhere. I need to take action. Life will not wait for me to build up the nerve or support or whatever else might be ideal. Life often isn't ideal. However I do know what life will ideally be like in the future as I see it.

I won't even say that I want it all but I dang sure want most of it. Why shouldn't I? I am 22 years old and I have found the man that I want to spend my life with. Why should I fear it? Why should I fear it? Why should I run from it? I love him from the depth of my soul. When I look into his eyes I see the life that I have always wanted. When I hear his voice, I hear promise. When he holds me in his arms, life ceases to be hectic or scary or uncertain. It all makes sense when I'm in his arms. This man is my best friend, dare I say my soul mate? So with all this said, it should not come as any surprise that I plan to marry. In fact, I plan to marry his tail the first chance I get. Lest I leave him on the market to long and some other hussy tries to snag him. And after I marry him I'm going to have his babies, cook his curry, and share every joy of my life with him. And you know what? I refuse to apologize for what I want. Society wants me to believe that I should be out sewing my oats somewhere, living it up, but that's not what I want.

But of course I want many other things as well. I want to finish my masters and doctorate. I want to change the world more and more every day. I want to matter. I was put on this Earth to do something and God willing I am going to do it. I want to own my own business. I want to do charity work. I want to do God's work. I want to travel. I want to meet people from all over the world. I want to have good girl friends that I can always count on. I want the world to heal from the pain of the past. I want to feel fulfilled. And by golly I want to enjoy myself.

In the words of some rapper "Life is a bitch but I love that girl!" Life is beautiful in all of its imperfect glory. My eyes often gaze up at the sky and I think about God and love and beauty and POSSIBILITY. The multitude of possibilities. Though we all stumble from time to time, by God we can always get back up again. God is love. As long as we are able to love, both each other and the world around us, we can achieve anything. I can achieve anything. So my bit of advice: never lose your ability to appreciate the world around you, from the little blades of grass the clouds in the sky to that barking dog in your neighborhood that keeps disrupting your sleep. You never know which seemingly insignificant thing is going to change your life. And never give up on love. I think a lot of discord of today harkens back to the fact that people have stopped loving each other. Love is hard. It's easier to just not care at all. The problem with not caring is that we all need someone to care about us in some way or another. People kill because they do not care. Governments and citizens alike allow their people to starve and live in squalor because they do not care. Wars that have gone on since the time of Christ continue to this day because somewhere along the way we gave up on valuing life. Never love anything more than you love life. And not just your individual life but life in general. All things work together for the good of God's people. Every life, every person is important because otherwise why would he/she be here.

So yes, I'm in love and I love life and don't you dare rain on my parade. I was put here to love and I intend to continue.

If you're reading this, I love You