Writing: Knowing

There is justice in knowing.
There is peace in knowing.

So many things in life are out of our control. A person can wrong you terribly without you being at all aware. Identity theft.
Affairs.
Lies and deceit.
There is somthing defeating about this.
However when we know we have power. We can make a choice. We have control over our lives.

Knowledge is everything.
Don't fear it. Seek it.

Down with these overrated, overcharging, smelly gyms!

Sooo Bally's really tried me today buddy! I checked my voicemail and found a mysterious message from them saying I have a passed due balance. This made no sense because I have it set up for them to take automatic payments. So I figured out what happened. My bank had a security breach and issued new cards like a month ago. I forgot to update my autopay info with the new card info so that's why it wasn't working. HOWEVER, I definately did not appreciate how hard the guy was trying to sell to me. He was trying to get me to pay for the next 2 months in advance. Heck no! Ur lucky to be getting this month. And then he wanted me to pay a processing fee for the payment but I wasn't having it. If I can't pay you for free then you need to let me know how I can pay for free. I've never understood how places can really have the nerve to try 2 receive payment for a payment. Double dippin hoochies. So you would think that after I made it clear that I had no intention of paying them extra (he waved the processing fee) that he would quickly wind up my business and be done with it. Nope! He then proceeded to try to convince me to pay off my entire membership (over $1000)! Get outta here! I let him know that umm yea its a recession and I have other expenses to worry about. But of course he had an answer for this to. I could break it into 2 payments lol. Needless to say I testily opted out of this and firmly asked him to just process this months payment and reinstate my autopay. Why does everything have to be so difficult? *sigh*

Happy Days are Here Again

I registered for my classes today! I'm really excited. Its good to know that I'm still moving in the right direction and getting things done. I could have went somewhere cheaper (much cheaper) or easier or closer but I've chosen to go the extra mile. I believe that taking that extra initiative is what matters these days. I hope...I know it'll pay off. I can't wait until fall or the opportunity to do a little shopping in the bookstore *wink* Maybe I should get a license plate to further motivate me to get my car...

Stuck On a Whim

Well I'm still car-less which sucks. I miss having a car so much. It's not so much about the physical loss of a possession because frankly it was never really mine anyway. It was always in my fathers name and therefore under the threat of being taken. It's tragically ironic that right when I was so close to really owning...transferring it to my name...I wrecked it. I guess life just sucks that way sometimes. The worst part is the loss of my independence. I am now dependent on the whims of others. If other people don't have time to transport me then I'm kind of screwed. However let the record show that I don't enjoy asking people to do stuff for me that often anyway. I WANT to do things for myself! I think thats powerful. I feel robbed of my mojo, my power. Other people have the reigns now and thats just no good. In the spirit of being realistic, I know that I'm not completely powerless. My situation could be much worse. I still have the ability to get to a fair number of places. Not having a car forces me to think more about whats important and if I really need to go certain places. In that same vain, my desire to move out and buy a new car is also forcing me to make some better choices about spending money. I WILL get a new car. I WILL make it happen. How long will it take? I'm not a psychic but I hope it will be very soon...like next month. I'm trying my best to make good decisions here but hey I'm only human and sometimes the path is rocky.

In other news, the BF and I had a great day together yesterday. He totally saved the day. We had lunch, stopped by his parents house for a while, picked up some ceramic gifts we made for each other at Color Me Mine a while back, and then spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing in a beautiful park. I don't think it was coincidental that out of all the areas we could have went to in that 500 acre park we ended up near an outdoor wedding. We didn't watch (you know I wanted to!), but it definately upped the love ante. I love this guy (yes you lol). I've got all my cards on the table. All my chips are in and I hope he understands that. So anyway it was a very chill, relaxing day and I'm glad we did it. He did good :)

Nights like last night make me want to be a Loner

Sooo my friend M completely ditched me last night and now I'm left to re-evaluate our friendship. I think a pretty good way to rate a friendship is by judging how likely each person is to go out of their way to help the other. If I call somebody a friend then I'm going to do what I can to help that person. This is a demonstrated fact. I went out of my way for this girl on several occasions and now I'm finding that I can't count on her. It's really sad actually. When I had a car and this girl didn't, I took her any and everywhere, even when it was completely inconvenient. I'm sure on some level I believed that if the shoe was on the other foot she would do the same for me. Well the shoe IS on the other foot and lets just say that I'm less than impressed with her. We were supposed to be going to a fundraiser together this morning but apparently she totally forgot about me. SHE was the one who offered to take me but she forgot all about it. I didn't find out the plan had changed until she called me last night to just inform me that SHE was going to the walk. My response was "Umm I know that already. We're going together." And she's like, "Well actually I'm already in the area and I'm not coming back to get you [condensed versio]." Not only was she completely unapologetic but actually tried to make it seem like she was in the right. "Well I have a lot going on and you don't have much going on in your life..." F*** YOU WH**E!!!

Ahhhh release. Well I feel better. Gotta get ready for my date with Wes now :)

Things are looking up!

So after drifting aimlessly through the universe for what felt like forever I think I am on the verge of having a solid plan. I've been freaking out about how I'm going to manage getting a new car, an apartment, school expenses, and all the other expenses that go along with living in America. After speaking to the financial aid office it all came together in my mind. The school is going to offer me a big booty loan aka a big loan. I can use this loan in such a way that I pay for eduaction expenses and then receive a refund that I can use to help pay rent. This takes some of the pressure off of me of having to save up $$$ for housing and a car. Now I can throw a few grand into getting this car situation moving. This could happen as soon as a month or so from now! The bus is depressing me. I gotta escape! In other news, pops and I are on better terms. I went outta my way to tell him about my plan and he gave me some insight. He's going to take me to look at cars one day. Note: He still has not in any way implied that he'll contribute but that's fine...honestly.

Writing: Traveling Shoes

I long to go, to put on my shoes and go
Destination: unknown.
Left foot, right foot
That's the rhythm
The rhythm of my desire,
Always ticking faster
A quickening pace
Boarding time approaching
Better get there fast
Where am I going?
Only God knows
But its boarding time now and I gots to go.

Writing: Why Do We Love?

Quite simply...because we must. It is ingrained in us from birth. Without bonds we cannot survive. Love is both the purpose and the means of our survival. It hurts and it heals. Builds us up and breaks us down. Serves as our secret weapon as well as our downfall; a booby-trap lain to catch the foolish. The foolish few that dare to be led by emotion.

Love fills you up with the breath of life; invigorates the spirit. It is passion. It is pain. It is the reason...maybe not for the season, but for something. Something intangible, indescribable. To feel it, is to understand it. Oxygen for the soul. You confound and captivate. I love you. Thank you for who you are.

Easter Recap

Ok sooo Easter aka Resurrection Day was actually alright or at least as good as I could have hoped for. My friend (M) invited me to come out with her fam so I went to church with them. We also went out to eat afterwards and they treated me. It was nice to be around a real family and be welcomed into that. Thank God for friends! They can save the day when you least expect it...

Hope ur having a better day...

Well here we are. Its Easter. A time for families to gather in rememberance of Christ and all the blessings we each receive on a daily basis. Generally its a pretty upbeat time. I mean come on! Who can look at the Easter bunny and be grumpy??? The answer to that question is...me. Its times like these, times when families tend to gather, that it becomes particularly obvious to me that my family is quite unorthodox. No one in my family ever saw fit to teach me about religion, probably because its not important in their lives. I've never been to church with my parents. They never taught me bible stories. They never even told me the purpose of Easter so for the bulk of my life all I knew about was the candy and the bunny. Holidays were rarely, if ever, important enough for both of them to take the day off so we could be together. And as I got older they slowly but surely allowed the chirade to unravel. Until finally, now, holidays are like regular days around here. No more eatin together on thanksgiving or putting up the Christmas tree. I have to settle for invitations to go places with other people's families because my own has checked out. That's what I'm doing rite now; waiting for my friend to pick me up to go to church with her fam. Church started 20 minutes ago. I wonder if she forgot about me...

Back in the Habit...

WOW, so where do I begin???
Well since my last post:

• I graduated (YAY!)
• Moved back home (booo!)
• Had my 2.5 year anniversary with bf
• Got a new job
• Totaled my car (wasn't hurt tho, thankfully)
• My relationship with the male half of my gene pool has sunken to new lows
• Got accepted to 2/3 of the grad schools I applied to, so far
• Witnessed my dog having a seizure
• Saw my mother cry for the first time ever
• Saw my mother stand up to her husband for the first time ever
• Tasted olives for the first time
• And much, much more! lol

Frankly its been a crazy time for me emotionally and otherwise. Last semester barely had enough free time for me to wipe my butt. And once I graduated, then came the stress of re-acclimating to being at home and finding a job, etc etc etc. However now I feel like now is as good a time as any for me to get started again. I don't feel as swamped anymore. I still feel a lot of stress about the future but I just can't obsess about that 24 hours a day. So here I am! Happy Easter!